This post was originally published on firstname.lastname@example.org on March 15, 2016.
Today I’ve been reflecting on what has happened in this month of March so far. We’re only two weeks into it, yet I have already struggled so much more than I expected to…
As of right now, everything is okay. I feel like I’m in the calm after a small storm. You see, nothing neccesarily “huge” has really happened to me at once; but so many moments of hardship have come my way. Moments of temptation, insecurity, grief, fear, and doubt.
This was not what I anticipated! On March 1st, I wrote in my journal, “Every month has been getting better and better! I can’t wait to see how March goes!” I was truly excited for this month because I expected it to be easier and to entail a lot more smoothness, positivity, and growth. The past three months in particular have strengthened, matured, and grown me immensly. But in reality, life is not easy. And sometimes we stumble and fall in the process of climbing upward.
I’ll be more specific about what I’ve been dealing with. In short, I feel that the enemy has played on every single one of my weaknesses and insecurities. He knows what they are, and he can devise plans to attempt to bring me down. Here are some of them:
One area I tend to get insecure in is in my relationships. And a few of my current friendships have been suffering lately. That causes me to stress out and feel a whole lot of negative emotions…I’ve been grieving and trying to walk through this with the Lord, but my insecurity has won over me at times.
Along with that, I have felt discontent with my body again and struggled with old temptations. I sometimes listen to the lies of, “you’re not good enough, pretty enough, thin enough…”
Last week my fear and anxiety came back in full effect: A very discouraging day brought me to crippling anxiety and the worst stomach ache I can remember.
I’ve even doubted my significance in the middle school youth group I serve at.
BUT, (yes there’s always a silver lining) here’s what I know:
Psalm 37:23-24 says, “The steps of a man are established by the Lord, when he delights in his way; though he will fall, he shall not be cast headlong, for the Lord upholds his hand.”
I LOVE this. The psalmist is acknowledging the inevitability for God’s children to “fall” (or sin/face temptations). And despite our mess up’s, we are never too far gone. We don’t fall so far down that we have to “re-start” or be brought out of a pit. As a child of God, I’m in a good position to pick myself up and start climbing again.
So, this month has not gone the way I expected. But that’s okay because I’m learning to pick myself up. I’m trying to live the abundant life that God desires for me. These weeks have felt messy, but there’s still beauty in this life. There’s still joy to be found! There are still blessings sprinkled throughout my days; but maybe I just need to search a little harder to see them. God is still good. He still loves me. He will use these trials to teach me. And I don’t have to be owned by my sin or insecurity. (Neither do you.)